fluffy kitten marshmallow rainbows

Jeebus do I have heartburn. What the eff is that about? I think it's from the raw garlic I just consumed in my cucumber salad. I'm really working hard to keep people away. Garlic is a great way of achieving this. I think it's been successful, so far.

Anyway. We are growing organic consumables in plastic storage bins in the hopes that a) we will have a bountiful harvest of strawed berries and carrots, and b) the plastic will leach into the water and make us grow the inevitable third arm as our DNA slowly mutates.

So far no third arm, not even so much as a nub, but my bountiful harvest is slowly coming to fruition. Get it, FRUITion?? How fantastic am I?!?

For the love of god, keep it on track Lauren.

OK.

So we've got one pretty red strawberry, despite weather's cold, heartless attempt to freeze my little lovelies. I'm giving it one more day until it turns into a tasty snack.



I'm so proud of my little red berry, standing up to adversity, not wanting to shrivel and die like its other companions. Ok so they didn't ALL die, but they're just taking so very long to become delicious snacks that it makes me worry. I want instant results!!! This is America damn it!!

And as for the carrots, I haven't seen any surface results.



But the carrots are all like, "What the eff do you expect? We grow underground. We're all totally four inches in the dirt, all orange and shit, waiting to be on your salad." At least that's what I'm thinking is going on.

And of course, in the back of my mind I worry about eating my strawberries and carrots. Can one actually eat something that hasn't been hermetically sealed in plastic wrap at the grocery store? Is it safe to eat things grown in this country? All of my produce comes from Mexico and Honduras. Should I be the one harvesting these? Shouldn't I have laborers toiling over my 18 gallon planter? Why doesn't my produce have a shiny layer of carnuba wax? Isn't that like, the plant's afterbirth-- carnuba wax?

So many questions!!!

And I've been informed via TXT that we get to go to Home Depot today to buy an additional planter!! Yippee skippee! I'm hoping to plant some okra, assuming they blossom already deep fried in cornmeal. Also, I'd like some cayenne peppers, so I can make dried pepper garlands and then rub my eyes afterwards, forgetting that I was just touching the equivalent a thousand suns in hell.